Schooling Decision

So after many months of deliberation and research, we have decided to not start out homeschooling. We are going to send Natalie to the local public school for Kindergarten when it's time. This decision was made based on many factors:

• One of my major worries has been how social my daughter is, and wanting to nurture the development of relationships with all types of people. I *loved* seeing all my friends during the day and regularly got in trouble for talking too much. :) I made some wonderful friends at school, and want Natalie to have that opportunity, too. We have a couple great homeschooling groups in town, but it's never felt the same to me.
• My other major sticking point has been the tradition of school. This sounds silly, but I loved getting ready to go back to school - the new clothes, buying the supplies, finding out who the teachers would be, etc. And as a parent, I want that tradition for me too - like I said, I know it's kind of silly, but it's been something that has bothered me about homeschooling. We cannot recreate all that at home - there would be no PTA, no grand new adventure of being shipped off to school that first day to learn new things and have new experiences, none of the "going to school" excitement.
• B and I also have talked about what a difference parents make in the school system. We will be super involved in Nat's education and make sure that she is getting everything she needs. We will know all her teachers, I will be volunteering everywhere I can - we will be SUPER involved parents. :)

I feel like a huge load has been lifted since we made this decision. I like our decision and I feel good about it. This means that since Kindergarten is 8-2 here, I would also like to do preschool next year (when Natalie is 4) for a few hours a couple days a week. I don't want to suddenly throw her into a 6-hour day away from home with no practice.

So, I guess I'm going all mainstream on the education front. :) I'm looking forward to it, though!

Next big decision -- VBAC vs. c-section?? So many decisions to be made as a parent!

The Past Four Months

That was a long break from blogging! Lots of stuff went on, some good and some not so good.... in a nutshell:

The bad:

Found out in May I was pregnant, and then miscarried a week later. I never realized how much one's body goes through during a miscarriage, even at only 5 weeks. It was rough physically, but once I got past the initial disappointment and hormonal craziness, I was okay emotionally.

Discovered an odd bump on my nose around the time of the miscarriage, and since I was feeling all doom & gloom, wondered if it was something bad. I went to the dermatologist and found out it was basal cell carcinoma. Felt very shocked and mostly po'd that cancer would dare show its face on my body (lots of cancer in my family, it terrifies me) -- got Mohs surgery and had it removed. Now am going back every 6 months like an old lady to get my skin checked out.

The good:

Took a trip to Illinois & Wisconsin to visit my grandmas and some family - had a GREAT time! It was very relaxing. We were there over 4th of July, the weather was nice and cool, and I got to see family that I miss oh so very much.

Took another trip right after the IL/WI one to California. That was even more relaxing, because it was back in my beloved West side of the country, and because I got to spend time at the OCEAN. Sort of kind of learned to surf, which was all kinds of awesome. :)

The GREAT:

The day we got home from California, I found out I'm pregnant again! I'm 9 weeks and everything is going VERY well. I got an ultrasound today. Here is a picture of our little one.


So that's my life over the past 4 months. :)

Will post more again soon. I need a nap!

Tabling Veganism, Thinking Homeschooling..

So the vegan thing isn't happening right now. I am incorporating more meatless meals into our menu, but it's really hard to come up with a good variety of cheap and interesting vegan meals! I need to keep building up a recipe base, and hopefully one day we'll be there 100%. I worry about missing out on nutrients and not getting enough protein. I know, beans have a ton of protein, but we are pretty much beaned out right now. I also worry about getting pregnant (hopefully soon!) - I don't know if I could/should be vegan while pregnant? I know people do it all the time, but they are experienced at it... I don't know. I guess I still have fear that I would be depriving my body of something. More research needed! :)

Next topic - Homeschooling. This is something I have been thinking about since moving to Arizona in 2001. The schools down here are not great, and that has been a concern of mine since before we even had the Nat Bug. Now that we are a couple of years away from Kindergarten, and there are budget cuts galore happening down here, I've ramped up my research. I am lucky enough to be on a wonderful message board, and the women in the homeschooling forum directed me to some great articles online and also recommended some books. If anyone is interested, I am reading The Well-Adjusted Child right now - this book addresses the whole "socialization" issue, which is the number one concern *I* have, and the number one comment I get if this topic comes up, especially from older people. So I'm reading it to learn more about homeschooling, to decide if it feels like a good fit, and so I can have some information to give people when the topic arises. Also, do a Google search for homeschooling information - there is a TON of research out there, from all sorts of sources, about the benefits of homeschooling. Also, some really interesting stuff about college admissions people, and their opinions on the homeschooled kids they see entering college. (If anyone wants some links to the articles I read, let me know! One of the sites was jam-packed with info, but it's authored by a lady on my message board, so I don't know if it's kosher to link that here w/o asking her first.)

I also went to a local homeschooling group this week for their park day, and it was so nice. The kids were really respectful and so kind to Natalie, who was a good 5 years younger than the youngest kid there, I think. The ladies I spoke with said they have a lot of families, and they usually have more people at the park days, with lots of young kids Natalie's age. When the weather heats up like this, people don't come as often. I think we may officially join this fall and get involved in all the activities they have. They have camping, moms and dads nights each month, the weekly park days, theatre trips, debate team, etc. SO MUCH going on!!

Right now, I think we have decided to keep Natalie home through kindergarten and see how it goes. I'm going to incorporate some Montessori and Waldorf ideas in the setup of our home, and also start working on letters and numbers more "formally" in the next year or so.

I'm excited when I think about it, but I still have that part of me that wonders if this is too weird. I'm so glad I have a few years to try this on for size to see if it feels right, hanging out with other homeschooling families and thinking like a homeschooling mom.

ANOTHER stomach bug!?!

OK seriously. This is getting so old. I think this is round 3 of a stomach virus since I have had Natalie. And this is a sneaky one. I thought we were done w/ the stomach part Sunday night, but oh no, 48 hours later it reared its ugly head. Calgon, take me away! I think this is the first time in my time as a mother that I really understand that sentiment and truly GET IT. Oh to lay soaking in a tub or get a massage... right now I'm just thankful that I have so far been spared any illness. I'm thinking that as soon as Natalie is better, it will strike. That's usually how it works.

But I think she's doing alright, besides the horking. She is currently chasing the cat around, trying to get her to eat a cracker. The usual morning-time routine. :)

My garden-planting has been woefully put on hold. I have the wood to create my square-foot-gardening grid, but it's still in the garage. Half the plants have been pulled out to make room for the veggies... by the time I get done with this, it will be too late to plant anything! Oh well, we'll get there.

Despite the stomach woes, I made tofu stir-fry last night. It was delicious, but I could only find the medium firm tofu instead of my usual preference, the extra firm. And it makes a difference. Next time I'll go somewhere else to get the extra firm. Tonight we are having potato pancakes.

I also am perusing some sites trying to get lunch ideas for hubby -- This is a good blog, and this is the site that goes along with it. I'm just trying to figure out what nutritional yeast flakes are, and where to get them, so I can make a really awesome-looking vegan muffin recipe on there. I perused the book at Barnes & Noble a couple of weeks ago, and there are some great kids' lunch ideas. I also really like the alternatives she talks about for lunchboxes and plastic bags.

I think I could do without eggs, but I really don't think I can do without milk & cheese. So I guess that would put me in the actual "vegetarian" slot and not "vegan", yes? So far, it's going well, and I'm not really even noticing a difference. I think we could transition to a meatless lifestyle much easier than I anticipated. Especially if we stop going out to eat (which we REALLY need to do b/c it's wasting $$!) because I automatically order a chicken wrap or salad w/ meat in it. Oops!

OK back to sitting by Natalie with a bowl and pushing the fluids, and hoping I don't see the fluids again!! :)

Vegging Out?

So in order to continue along my path of becoming a true hippie, I should go vegan, yes? :) I mean, I am already breastfeeding an almost-3-year-old, I'm about to plant a veggie garden in my backyard, I did a stint of cloth diapering, we still co-sleep here and there, I'm a registered Democrat (or more accurately, a bleeding heart liberal, as my father used to say), I've given serious consideration to home-schooling, and my overall approach to parenting is decidedly on the "gentle discipline" or "consensual living" side -- I'm well on my way! I will not stop shaving my pits though. I have to draw the line somewhere. OK, also no cloth TP. So I'm probably more of a mainstream hippie. But still. You see my point. There is an inner hippie that comes out more and more each year, especially since becoming a mom.

Seriously, though -- I watched a couple videos on Peta's web site the other day that had me bawling hysterically. I watched the pigs and chickens and how they are treated before they are made into food. All this after I brought home a pork loin from Fry's. Lovely! (It's simmering now in my crockpot. I figured it was crueler to make his death be in vain and just throw him out. So now he's providing a wonderful meal for a nice family. :) ) ANYWAY -- it got me thinking about this whole vegetarian thing.

I have pondered this throughout the years off and on. I love tofu, hummus, veggie sausage, chik'n patties, vegetables, etc. I think I could truly live without meat. I think. My poor husband. His response? "Could we just get past this phase and move on to your next new thing?" I probably would have gotten mad about that if he weren't spot on. I do like to try new things! :) But this is a lifestyle change.. something healthier, it would cost less, and after watching that footage... I could feel better about the way my food was prepared before it even got to my house.

So I'm online researching recipes to see if it's all something I could handle. Hmm...

February

Did February really just fly by? I know it's a short month, but woo! That went fast. :)

We have been going to the park almost every day, soaking up the nice weather before it gets beastly hot. I got a jogging stroller a few weeks ago, and have been religiously walking/jogging just about every day -- we do our walk and then play at the park. It's a lovely way to spend the mornings, especially if our walk happens to take us past a Starbucks. :)

Natalie has been working on the letter "A" lately. She is getting quite good at writing the letter, and we talk a lot about all the things that start with A. I think we may move on to "B" soon.

She also is working on her cutting skills. I picked up a Kumon cutting book at Target, and she has a grand time trying to follow the lines to cut whiskers on the dogs/cats, or to cut apart a picture so she can rearrange it to make it look like a boat or whatever the picture is that day. It's a wonderful book - I highly recommend it!

Here she is concentrating hard on the cutting:


I am starting to think about the summer months. Spring is covered with the outdoor play - the zoo, the parks, my moms groups - but summer is a whole other animal. We can't just go run to the park without passing out within a few minutes. So I'm pondering what to do - dance, gym, swimming... getting the piano tuned and teaching her some notes on there. What's good to do for a 3 year old? I want to keep her entertained, and keep the sanity. She and I both go a little crazy when we are stuck inside with crafts for more than a few days at a time. We actually spent a morning yelling at each other (yes she was yelling at me!) at the beginning of January because we were both so tired of being cooped up with her being sick. I would like to avoid that happening again! :)

I also have officially decided - no preschool this fall. So we'll be doing other activities and probably ramping up the learning factor - I got a lot of great books from Target. They have a wonderful educational book section. But mainly, we will just continue with PLAYING. Their younger years go by so fast, they need to play! I'm a big fan of just hanging out while she rides her tricycle, plays in her sand/water table, and quite literally smells the flowers in the backyard. :)

Alright, I'm off to enjoy the weather! This week is gardening week - cleaning out the flowers/leaves and getting ready to plant the veggies!

A Tribute

Tomorrow will be 4 years since my dad died. I want to memorialize him somehow, somewhere, so I thought I would do it here. Since tomorrow is going to be a day for looking forward with hope, I wanted to take a moment on the eve of his passing to look to the past.

My dad was so full of life that sometimes I cannot believe he is truly gone. It's one of those things that sneaks up on me and socks me in the gut when I am not expecting it. The past couple of months I have been weighed down, remembering 4 years ago, when I was waiting to see what the doctors would find, and then... just waiting. Six months or a year, they said. It was 3 weeks. Barely enough time to even digest how final that verdict was, and not even time to catch my breath. The heaviness that lay over me every day during that three weeks, talking to him on the phone about mundane things like TV shows, wondering if he would once again escape his fate by some miracle. I spent most of my life in fear that my dad would die - he had a kidney transplant in 1980 and beat cancer in 1991. Odds were that he had run out of chances, but part of me hoped anyway. Everything about this time of year reminds me of those days, the waiting, the dread... the tiny amount of hope that should not have been there, but still was.

And then the call that came on January 20th. I wish I had been there and yet I'm glad I wasn't. The trip home, the rituals that we had to go through... so morbid and yet so necessary. Speaking at his funeral - knowing he would have been so proud of me for doing so, for getting through it without cracking, and then breaking down afterwards when that thought occurred to me. Staying behind after everyone else, watching him be lowered into the ground, wondering how we could just leave him there, in the cold, alone. Remembering the conversations we had during those last days, and wishing somehow that I could have made more of them. We danced around the subject of his impending death. I think he was trying to shield me, or maybe he too was hoping that he would again beat the odds. Whatever the case, whenever the topic even remotely came up, he changed the subject. He broke down at one point - one of only two times he even alluded to his death - and said that children should know their grandparents. Every time Natalie hits a milestone or does something I know he would adore, that comment comes back to me. I like to think that somehow, some way, he has seen her, has been able to witness his amazing granddaughter. It's a comforting thought.

My dad wasn't perfect. We had our issues, we had our arguments, he had his demons that he fought... but he was my dad and I love him more than I think he ever knew. He taught me so much, and helped me become who I am today. I have spent the past couple of days playing the "what if" game, a luxury I don't usually allow myself. It's so easy to fall into the "If only he were here" or "What if they had caught the cancer sooner" or "Why did this have to happen?" trap. Imagining him playing with Natalie, still having our weekly Thursday afternoon phone calls, and oh the debates we would have had over this past election! I get sad and angry and immobilized with the devastation his loss brings. But then I realize that he was given two more chances than most people would have had. His life was saved by an organ donor 28 years ago, and he was able to be there for my childhood, drive me crazy with pushing me to be better at sports and school, the joy I saw on his face when he watched me play my flute, and the quiz team at church - so many great memories of time spent with my father doing the quiz team. I would have missed having a father if not for that transplant. And then, when he beat cancer 11 years later, that second (third!) chance at life made it so that we could fight our way through the next 10 years because we were so much alike and yet on opposite sides of every possible topic, and then in my late twenties, we became friends again. Best of all, he was there to give me away on my wedding day. I am so thankful for that, and even though my grief feels overwhelming sometimes, the joy is there underneath it all that I knew him, and that I have all my memories to carry with me.

To preschool or not to preschool...

When are kids "supposed" to start preschool? I never went, but my brothers did... I think they went the year before preschool. But now, it seems like everybody has their kids in preschool starting at like age 2. N is going to be 3 in June, so I guess it goes to follow that I enroll in her preschool this fall?

I keep reading/hearing about how much kids are pushed in school these days. How early it starts, and how stressful it is from a young age. My daughter is self-motivated and pretty bright (of course I'm not biased AT ALL!), so I am not worried about her doing well at school. I don't think she needs two whole years of preschool to help her adjust to being in kindergarten. Kindergarten, which is now a full day of school. And I guess they have to know how to write their names before kindergarten, and a bunch of other things they are teaching in preschool?? I remember kindergarten - and I think the kindergarten we had was more like the preschools today. I remember the different areas where we could play house, build things, do arts/crafts, etc. I do also remember doing dittos (and copying off my friend's page - maybe that's because I didn't go to preschool!), so there was some work involved, learning the letters and whatnot, but I don't believe we had to know what kids have to know now. (did you follow that?)

I just don't believe that my daughter needs 2 years of preschool. Does that make me odd? I think I'm going to get a book of preschooler activities and do stuff at home with her for the next year and a half and then send her to preschool when she is 4. Maybe we'll do a gymnastics class or something like that instead.

I think this is one of those things where every kid is different and a situation where moms should go with their guts on when to send their child to preschool. It's also partly something that stuck with me from looking into Waldorf last year. I didn't feel like that was the right place for us, but I do like some of their beliefs - the main one being that kids should PLAY. They need to use their imaginations and learn through play until they are 6 or 7. I like that mentality.

Or maybe I'm just crazy and I should have had her in preschool since last fall.